yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
