Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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