According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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