Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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