Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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