My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
