Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
