Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
