you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
