Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
