I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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