if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
