Will you blow on my dice?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
