She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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