Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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