You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
