6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wish there were birth control emojis
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
