She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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