I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
