Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
