It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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