walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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