we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
