I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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