maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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