Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
