I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
