"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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