I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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