Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
