need another drink. this is the easiest way
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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