he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
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Do I have a choice?
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He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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