Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
