is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
