my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
