What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
