I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
