He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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