didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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