I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
