I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
