I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
