You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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