I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize