your thong is hanging out like whoa
What did we do last night that was yellow?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
