just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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