I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
