I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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