It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
