I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
