i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
