I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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