I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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