If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
