i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Randomize