Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
