We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
