Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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