Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
