My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
