no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
