Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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