After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize