Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
